This suit? It’ll have your own reflection questioning who’s that shimmering hotshot staring back. The black jacquard is stupidly luxe—like, run-your-fingers-over-it-for-no-reason kind of nice. And, bro, the texture? It basically flirts with every light in the room. Oh, and those rhinestones? Hand-set, thanks very much. Literal sparkle on the lapels. You want main-character energy? This is it. Pure, undiluted, main-character energy.

Low-key, this thing screams, “Try not to stare at me (bet you can’t).” It’s got just enough classic lines so you won’t get side-eyed by some old dude clutching his whiskey, but the bling? That’s for anyone who likes to turn heads, no apologies. Seriously, roll up to a red carpet, some bougie soirée, even your cousin’s wedding—this suit’s gonna hijack the whole event. People won’t remember the speeches, they’ll remember you.

Look, if you’re tired of looking like every other penguin waddling around in basic black-tie, Crystal Noir is your way out. Just saying—don’t act surprised when the room can’t stop staring. You wanted attention? This is how you get it.